The musketeers’ adventure agency

Tim Scott
William Vandyck
David Farris (illustrateur)

92 pages
Hodder and Stroughton - 1990 - Royaume-Uni
Humour - Roman

Intérêt: **

Ce petit livre est une parodie à la fois des Trois Mousquetaires et des magazines pour enfants d'autrefois. On y trouve donc un récit  pastichant Dumas, entremêlé de très nombreuses pages de jeux, devinettes, fausses publicités, etc...

Sans queue ni tête, le récit met en scène les trois mousquetaires, Athos, Porthos et Aramis, qui opèrent une agence de type détectives privés. Athos est une jeune femme qu'Aramis courtise assidûment sans qu'elle s'en rende compte, tandis que la stupidité et la maladresse de Porthos lui font multiplier les catastrophes. Le jeune d'Artagnan se trouve passer par là et la jolie Athos tombe aussitôt sous le charme, à la grande fureur d'Aramis.

Parfaitement délirante, l'histoire tourne autour d'un complot monté par Richelieu pour assassiner le roi avec un missile à tête chercheuse. Et le souverain n'y échappera que grâce à un éclair de génie inattendu de Porthos.

Outre le récit, le livre comprend donc des pages sur des thèmes variés: quiz ahurissants, découpages, courrier des lecteurs, mots croisés, tests du genre : «Votre boy-friend est-il un mousquetaire?».

Un ensemble sans prétention, mais réussi et très amusant.

Extrait

Slapper produced a large club and hit D'Artagnan very hard on the head with it. As D'Artagnan crashed to the ground for a second time that day, Slapper limped hurriedly away.

Athos was first to arrive at D'Artagnan's prostrate body.

"I don't think he's breathing," she shouted to Aramis and Porthos as they came into the square. "I'll give him the kiss of life." She bent over D'Artagnan. A thought struck her. "Except, I've no idea how to."

"I think I can sort of remember," said Porthos.

D'Artagnan sat bolt upright.

"Oh hello," he said. "I think I'm OK."

"Well, that's a bit convenient," said Aramis.

"Are you sure you're all right?" said Athos.

D'Artagnan seized the opportunity.

"Physically, yes, but my honour has been wronged. I must ask you if I can help in catching whoever is behind this."

"Of course you can," said Athos. In the midst of a huge crowd that had gathered, the foursome stood up. "You must join us - together we shall be invincible." There was a murmur of approval. Athos, Aramis, and Porthos grandly drew their swords, crossed them and cried,

"All of us should back each other up in a mutually supportive sort of fashion whilst at the same time retaining for each individual a certain degree of personal autonomy!" The crowd fell rather quiet.

"Hmm, I've been thinking about our motto, actually," said Aramis, "I was thinking it's a bit long. Look, I've written down a possible alternative." All four now raised their swords again. "All for one," began Athos, but Porthos was having trouble reading the words and started his cry astonishingly later than the others. The resulting discord sounded like a major argument. Some members of the crowd began to giggle and throw small bits of paper at them.

"No," said Aramis. "Together, we all come in together, One, two, three..." Everyone in the square shouted at the top of their voices:

"ALL FOR ONE, AND ONE FOR..."

"NOT YOU LOT!" screamed Aramis at the crowd, "Obviously, I didn't mean you. Everyone else, shuttup." He paused. "One, two, three... ALL FOR ONE, AND..." His lone voice echoed round the buildings in the square. "Well, obviously you lot, obviously the Musketeers... oh, it's so easy."

"What about me," said D'Artagnan.

"Yes, yes, you as well."

"It's just that I'm not really a Musketeer."

"Well, that doesn't matter," said Aramis, feeling an increasing sense of helplessness. A voice came from somewhere in the crowd.

"I'm not a Musketeer and I'm not allowed to say it."

"Shuttup," said Aramis sharply.

"Favouritism, that's what it is," said another voice.

"Teacher's Pet," said another. As the crowd began to drift away, Athos put her arms around the shoulders of the emotionally scarred Aramis.

"There, there," she said. "We'll have another crack at it later, but let's get on with the adventure for the moment, eh? The Cardinal's obviously up to something."